Become a More Effective Leader Using Emotional Intelligence

Become a More Effective Leader Using Emotional Intelligence

Strong leaders embrace the four domains of emotional intelligence which include self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management. Last month we focused on self-awareness. I hope you took the quiz! The link is below if you missed it. This month we’ll highlight self-management. Effective leaders have a way of operating from a place of total self-control that is inspiring to others. By focusing on where you place your attention, you become more self-aware, you take control of where you direct your energy, and therefore can get more consistent results as a leader.

Start with Self

Self-awareness is the foundation of personal growth and success. What you do with that awareness is your path to success. Self-management is a critical step. Easier for some; much more challenging for others. Which way does your self-management scale tip? Truly understanding and being aware of how you respond in different situations illuminates how powerful your subconscious thoughts are at determining your behaviors.  This awareness helps you to be a more effective leader. It looks like this:

Effective leaders understand this connection. By having emotional awareness and emotional control means you recognize the emotions you experience, understand the cause of those emotions and then specifically and purposefully determine how to respond as a result.

Develop Your Self-Management Skills

Take responsibility for how you choose to respond to situations. When you’re able to clearly identify the root cause of a given emotion, you will then be able to quickly choose an effective response, a productive response. Of course it is easy when all is going well and everyone gets along. The real challenge begins when conflict occurs; which to most of the leaders I coach…is often!

So here is how to do it when a situation heats up and your emotions are threatening to take over:

  1. Take a few seconds before responding.
    • Just be quiet and formulate your response. They will wait.
    • Say “Please give me a moment to get my thoughts together”. They will wait.
    • Say “Give me ten minutes (or an hour, or a day) to gather the info I need to give you my best answer.”
  2. Consider at least two other reasons, in addition to the first that comes to mind, for why this person is coming to you.
  3. Ask respectfully if any of the reasons you have come up with are correct (don’t worry they will tell you if you are wrong).
  4. Now that you have had time to think, and have gotten some clarity on the situation, deliver your thoughtful response calmly.

Emotional intelligence is a creative and active process of diligent learning that entails self and social awareness, thoughtful reflection and purposeful action. As a business leadership development consultant, I educate people on ways to improve performance and get great results!

You are in control! Now go take on the day!!




Have four hours? Then sign up for “DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS MADE EASY” – A simple process to make every conversation productive.  Email for the date and time in September in Hauppauge, NY.

Quiz from last month’s blog: How Emotionally Intelligent Are You?

Schedule a complimentary consultation to see which program is right for your organization.